Severely screwed up
by Phish Tacko
Summary: A series of random drabbles for various catagories including Twilight, ASOUE, Sweeney Todd, Sleepy Hollow, and Back to the Future. Includes Pirates of the Caribbean as well. Written because I'm stupid.
1. LIGHTBULBS!

**Summary: Weird and random drabbles by the weird, the wacky, the possibly mentally insane PHISH TACKO!**

**Note: VERY spur of the moment. Will be stupid.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**--**

"Cool, Project Runway's on!" Esme thought as she flopped down onto the couch. Unfortunately for her, she didn't know her husband was behind the couch, waiting to strike!

"3.. 2... 1..." Carlisle thought, slowly rising from his place behind the couch, positioning himself near Esme's head. "LIGHBULBS!!!" As the startled Esme turned her head, Carlisle dove under the couch, trying to keep in the hysterical laugh that was threatening to break out.

"WTF!" Eseme thought, looking over the couch's backrest. "CARLISLE!!"

Carlisle was still huddled under the couch, struggling not to laugh at his wife's reaction.

"Esme, he's under the couch." Edward's voice boomed from upstairs.

"Oh, crap..." Carlisle thought. "I forgot about Edward's ability!"

"Carlisle, give it up, I know you're under there. I can see your foot."

"Crud."

--

**This is something I came up with at rock climbing class with my friend Gretchen. Can't remember her penname.**


	2. OW!

**Summary: Weird and random drabbles by the weird, the wacky, the possibly mentally insane PHISH TACKO!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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"We are now recording the end of Marty." Jennifer said into the camera while pointing it at Marty, who was positioned about 10 feet away from a bottle of water with dry ice in it. "Kick it, Marty!"

Marty kicked the bottle, only for it to lay idle on its side.

"Aw, crap, it stopped!" Marty lamented, going over to the bottle.

"It's leaking." Jennifer corrected, following Marty with the camera. Marty picked the bottle up and tightened the cap, only for the bottle to explode in his hands.

"OW!"

"You okay, Marty?"

"DID YOU GET THAT! DID YOU SEE THAT! THAT WAS AWESOME!"

--

**I love dry ice.**


	3. OW! AGAIN!

**Summary: Weird and random drabbles by the weird, the wacky, the random PHISH TACKO!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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"We are now recording the death and end of James." Victoria said into the camera, pointing it at James, who was setting up a water bottle with dry ice in it.

"Is it recording?"

"Yeah, it's recording!"

James tightened the cap on the bottle and put the bucket over it, only for the bottle to explode. The bucket flew upward, hitting James square in the forehead.

"Whoa!" Victoria zomed the camera in on the spot that once held the water bottle, then panned over to her mate. "Holy crap, dude, are you okay?"

"Yeah." James moved his forehead closer to the camera. "Am I bleeding?"

"No."

"Aw, poor bucket..." Edward suddenly piped up, lifting the bucket out of the road.

"WTF! When did you get here!"

--

**Again, I love dry ice.**


	4. Fun with youtube!

**Summary: Too much youtube.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

Sweeney Todd was annoyed. No, annoyed wasn't strong enough of a word. He was downright aggravated.

"Isn't this great, Mr Todd?" Anthony's cheeks were pink with laughter and Johanna was stifling a chuckle.

"This is idiotic." Sweeney growled. He briefly considered slashing the computer screen with his razor.

"Wow..." Johanna rubbed her temples and laughed. "How do they come up with this stuff?"

"Drugs." Sweeney said dryly. "Drugs, boredom, insanity, and idiocy." The trio sat there for a few seconds until the video they were watching ended.

"Finally…" The barber thought.

"Ah! Here's the original!" Anthony exclaimed suddenly.

"Original?" Sweeney's eyes widened. "What was that we just watched?"

"The piano version." The sailor clicked on the link to the "original" video and it started to play.

"Ugh… I'm in Hell. I'm in Hell." Sweeney banged his head against the wall. That bloody song was so annoying… At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to find the creator of that blasted nonsensical video and slit his throat from ear to ear.

After about 2 minutes, Sweeney just couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm out." He got up and hurried toward the door.

"Where're you going?" Anthony asked.

"I'm getting the hell out of here!" Slam.

Downstairs, Mrs Lovett was sitting and reading in her parlor when Sweeney wandered in and sat down on the couch.

"Have fun up there, Mr T?" She asked.

"No." Sweeney put his head in his hands and shuddered. "All they did was listen to this bloody racket that got old within 5 seconds." Now Mrs Lovett was curious.

"What were they listening to?" She asked, sitting down next to him on the couch.

"I didn't bother to see what it was called, but there was a strawberry pop tart. It had a gray cat's head, legs, and tail. It was flying through space and it was leaving a rainbow trail."

"I see…" Mrs Lovett furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"The song that accompanied it was atrocious…" Sweeney shuddered at the mere thought. "It was just one word that kept repeating and repeating and repeating… I can't talk about it, it's so stupid."

"Okay, then…"

Later…

That song was still playing in Sweeney's head by the time he crawled under the covers in his bed that night.

"God has one sick sense of humor." He thought. "Might as well sleep this bloody thing off…" Sweeney knew that the cat would haunt his dreams, but that didn't stop him from closing his eyes and pulling the covers around him. And even as he finally drifted off, he could still hear that single wretched word playing over and over and over in his mind.

"NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN…"

* * *

**Yeah. I was bored and watching Nyan Cat and I figured, "Eh. Might as well."**

**I personally like Nyan Cat, but Sweeney would hate it. Obviously.**


	5. Jack Sparrow vs Cat

**Summary: Jack Sparrow just doesn't like cats.**

**Disclaimer: I just own the cat.**

* * *

"What is that?"

"What?" Will didn't know what Jack was talking about.

"That." Jack pointed at the fat orange cat lying in the grass. "What is that?"

"That? It's our cat." His eyes widened.

"Keep it away from me."

"What?"

"Keep the little demon away from me!"

"What, Sparrow, you don't like cats?"

"No, I don't!" Jack backed away slowly. "They're evil!"

"Aw, how can you say that about an innocent cat?" Will knelt down, picked the cat up, and cradled it. It purred and rubbed its snout on his nose.

"Ugh..." Jack shuddered. "Bloody demon..." He walked a few paces away. He figured he was a safe distance away from the cat. "As long as it stays away from me... Bloody demon..." His eyes widened when he felt something furry rub against his bare ankle. He looked down, only to see a small black kitten. "HOLY-!" He jumped away from it.

"Relax, it's harmless!"

"No it's not!" Jack was climbing a tree now. "Do you know how many scars I have from cats, Turner? Eh?"

"What?"

"My uncle James had a cat named Sophie. She had the sharpest claws. Y'know how I know? She sharpened them on me! She hated me, and I hated her!"

"Well, Jack, at least come down from the tree."

"Why?"

"Because cats can climb trees."

"D'OH!"


End file.
